cloudy friday

I feel very lonely today. It is interesting being a stay at home mom, you think it would be so much fun but really i gets very dulling, like I feel like I am getting duller. I have projects to do but then some little part of me goes "why are you doing those? What good will it do?" So alot of the time I end up not doing them. I just do little stuff around the house like clean up the kitchen, do the laundry, pick up clutter. Yesterday I was all excited because I vacuumed the whole house. I just feel out of touch with the world. I finished my website www.artsylasvegan.com and sent out the announcement to probably 50 people, 1 person wrote back. I feel like, why did I even put the effort into it? Is anyone even interested in it or was it just a big waste of time.

I decided to make bibs out of vintage sheets and terry cloth. I made one and it looks super cute then I was thinking of making more and selling them on Etsy but then I get discouraged and wonder if anyone would actually buy them. I keep stock piling art supplies to work on but then I don't actually work on any of them.

Every day I try to think of something that I can look forward to, like yesterday I took our change jar over to a coinstar. Today I was excited because I was going to go over to my old school, Western, to pick up some supplies that I left there but then I realized that it is a teacher inservice day so they will be in meetings and things so I don't know when I could go over. It just made my day into a real bummer.

And I know it seems stupid, like I'm just being emotional but it is just hard to deal with and I love being home with Eleanor, I just feel very insignificant sometimes. I think that is the main point of it right there is that I used to feel significant because I was needed to teach, if I didn't show up I would have 250 students wondering where I was and what I was doing. Now its just Eleanor and Warren, it is a difficult jump to make. I go on facebook to get in touch with people and no one writes me back or responds to what I'm doing, it feels like wow, this is how much influence and interest there is in me out there, zip. Oh well, maybe its just the clouds, I always have a harder time on cloudy days. I just have to be grateful for what I have.